Real Tall Talks: Don’t Call Me Big
Do you ever go through times where you just hit a wall or a slump? Pretty much for no clear cut reason? That’s how it feels trying to make myself write something.. well anything really for the blog. I’ve learned much about myself in the last year and I know I can get stuck in my head and paralyzed with inaction. Enneagram 4 stuff, anyone relate? A couple of weeks ago we even crowdsourced to y’all on Instagram to see if there was anything you wanted or needed covered. There were minimal responses, so I’m wondering if this slump is just 2020 bashing us all over the head repeatedly.
So don’t get me wrong because I feel very grateful for all I have. We try to be a source of positivity on the internet, as we know it tends towards snarky, mean, and belittling more often than not. That certainly doesn’t mean we don’t have our share of bad days or downer attitudes. Like we’ve said many times before, we strive to keep it real – hence the name of the blog!
When I was starting to write last week I wanted to talk about the definition of tall. I had a whole post dreamt up in which I dismantled the synonymous use of the word big in place of tall. It might be one of my biggest pet peeves… pun intended. You can probably envision my fury combined with utter dejection when I googled the definition of tall, only to find that big was in the first row of synonyms.
I’ve long abhorred the word big when used in my general direction. It was a learned feeling that my Mom taught me as she admonished people who erred by saying it to our family. Feelings of shame would flood my system as I was browsing the junior rack at TJ Maxx, only to discover I fit much more easily into the women’s racks.
“Did you mean tall?” she’d inquire as politely as she could muster, as some misguided soul would blurt, “Wow! You’re so big!”
At fourteen years old, hearing those proclamations combined with being unable to “fit in” to the age-appropriate clothing was devastating. I’d look around at other teenage girls and wonder why they got to be cute and small while I was labeled big. In fact, I discovered most everything about me was big, comparatively. My shoulders, my thighs, even my head was considered “big.” When I went to pick out my marching band uniform I couldn’t find a hat large enough to fit my head.
I’ll speak for myself but also know that a lot of women don’t have ANY appreciation for the word big. So while I’m sharing my tall girl-specific viewpoint of experiences, we might have more experiences than normal as people feel they can make unsolicited comments to us on the regular.
If you’re average height/build you might have never heard the word big directed at you. It might be so far fetched that someone is calling you big that you don’t even take it personally or even wonder why I’m making such a big deal out of it.
Basically I’m writing this today, to stick up for younger me (and hopefully you if you still need to hear it). If you have an issue with people saying things about your body to you regularly, it might be difficult for you to disassociate with what people think of you. I can tell you I struggle with that myself and have made significant strides. But as long as I have my memory, my younger self is in there ready to feel shame at being other than a “normal” girl and I feel like a lot of tall women have had similar experiences at some point in their lives.
All of that to say: you do not have to take their comments as law. Second of all, feel free to re-educate them. Let them know you don’t appreciate their comments and ask how it would feel if something about their body was commented on by strangers every time they left the house.
Caitlin and I are here to continue to encourage you to embrace yourself. That means dealing with the messier stuff that comes along with it, like feelings and reactions we have from interacting with others. Let us know in the comments if you have any trigger words or comments!
Thank you so much for this post!! I’ve struggled with this my whole life and am still so sensitive when I’m made to feel like a giant.
You’re so welcome! Thanks for reading. I don’t think we should ascribe to “being too sensitive,” stereotype just for not agreeing/accepting people’s’ blurted out words. No one walks around making snap judgements and comments based on someone’s nose size.
Oh girl I too HATED the word big growing up and would immediately reply with “ I’m not big I’m tall!“ I apparently said it so much my family now mocks me with the phrase, lovingly of course😊
You rock!! Haha I love that it’s your catch phrase now, spread the good word! Thanks for the comment!
So glad you wrote this. I’m the mom of a tall girl. (6’1”) This topic is something that she also has had an issue with. When she was in 2nd grade the kids were calling her a giant, she came home devastated. I hope that this article will help bring awareness to word choices and self love. Thank you
So glad this helped, and yes we just unfortunately have to lead the charge on telling people what is/isn’t acceptable. I think the golden rule is highly relevant because if the tables were turned and you said something to them, they wouldn’t be too happy. Thanks for reading and your kind words!
I agree! There’s so much about clothes and furniture and counter heights to remind us that we stand out, we don’t need people to tell us about it. I remember telling someone I didn’t like being called “big” bc I’m not big – I’m tall and slender. But she did not get it and instead I just felt like a brat. Thanks for this post. 🙂
Yes!! You are definitely not a brat. Most people wouldn’t like being perceived that way, so we say keep on correcting/educating them!
Hey there – I love the idea of educating commenters. If we all do a little LEG work to teach others that it is inappropriate to share their thoughts on our (and anyone’s for that matter) bodies, the world may be a more welcoming and loving place. Here’s my phrase I’m working on using and it works with any type of comments I think I’ve received, whether it’s the standard “you’re tall” or the ever-popular “do you play basketball?!”. It’s a bit wordy but event just two sentences of this, rehearsed and really to say is helpful. Here it is:
“You have to be really careful about what you say to people about their bodies, especially if you don’t know them well. That comment/question doesn’t make me feel good at all, and I don’t see it as a compliment. I also have a history of struggling with my body image. So please don’t ever comment on my physical appearance again.”
I love how straight forward this response is. We’ve been raised to feel like we have to be super polite as women and this effectively gets the messaging across without being rude/sassy which is also my secondary default. Thanks for sharing, we love hearing others perspectives to crowdsource responses.